


Patched

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward First Times, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Comfort Sex, Erectile Dysfunction, Evil Snoke, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Snoke/Ben, Protective Poe Dameron, Sexual Dysfunction, past abusive relationship, sexual healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23631682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben thinks Poe will leave him when he finds out his problem. He’s relieved when Poe doesn’t.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	Patched

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: First Time/Last Time
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Warnings: Past abuse, negative self-talk, possible inaccuracies even though I did my best to research.

The truth about he and Poe actually having sex proper was, Ben didn’t know if he could do it. His last experience with dating someone, they’d ridiculed him. It wasn’t just the erectile dysfunction thing (God, even thinking about it was enough to make Ben sick). It was everything. It was a good thing he’d gotten out when he did. He’d told his parents (Ben’s father had expressed a desire to kick the crap out of Snoke, and Ben’s mother had expressed sorrow that she hadn’t known earlier), but he hadn’t told them everything. Not really.   
  
And even undressing, forcing himself through the process, Ben could already feel his thoughts going into overdrive. Poe would leave him. Poe would be disgusted with him. Poe would never —  
  
“Are you okay, Ben?”  
  
Poe’s voice. Stirring him out of his reverie.   
  
“I — I can’t — ”  
  
Ben ran. Entered the bathroom and locked the door behind him even as he fought to catch his breath.   
  
***  
  
The bathroom already felt like a sanctuary. There, Ben could catch his breath, at least work through the panic that was already settling in. He could already hear Snoke’s voice too well. _You’re lucky I even stay with you. Who’d want a man with a broken dick?_ Ben was already hyperventilating; he was sure this was what was going to happen. He was going to die. Die because he couldn’t get his anxiety or his dick under control...  
  
A knock on the door. “Ben, it’s me.” Poe’s voice.   
  
“Leave me alone!”  
  
“Fine, I will! Just...Ben, please, tell me; did I do something wrong?”  
  
That was enough to make Ben feel worse. Not only had he made an ass of himself, but Poe was hurting too. Hurting. Because Poe was the sweetest man, and would never, ever do anything to hurt him...  
  
He opened the door. He was aware he looked ridiculous, being in there naked except for a towel, but even so...  
  
And Poe really did look worried. “Ben, I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t...I never meant to hurt you.”  
  
“You didn’t. I’m just embarrassed, that’s all.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“That’s the problem,” Ben said. “It’s like I can’t get it up.”  
  
There. He’d said it. Ben already braced himself for the moment that Poe was going to leave him. He would, wouldn’t he? After all, no one wanted a man with a broken dick. At least that was the takeaway Ben had from his last relationship. A man always had to be ready to satisfy his partner in bed. He couldn’t be anything less than having an eight pack, being perfect in terms of looks and performance and just about everything. He had to have the right size dick. He had to be tough. Ben knew he wasn’t that. Truly, he wasn’t.   
  
He expected Poe to be disgusted or start laughing, but instead, his face softened. “Ben,” he said. “I’m not going to change my mind and leave you.”  
  
“No one wants a man with a broken dick.”  
  
Poe furrowed his brow. “Your ex tell you that?”  
  
Silence.  
  
"Come here.” Poe gestured to Ben and, once they were both out of the bathroom, patted the spot on the couch next to him. Ben sat down. Somehow, Ben thought, he felt safe just being near Poe. Everything was all right. He could breathe.   
  
Poe turned to look at him, and Ben was struck by how lovely he was, almost angelic-looking. His curly black hair and expressive brown eyes. His features, almost delicate to look at.   
  
“Ben,” Poe said. “Just because you have...issues getting hard doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you. I’d be missing out on a lot if I did. Your sense of humor, your brains, how caring you are...I want you to see that, all of it, not just what you think you are. Really.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah. I love spending time with you. I love you. And just because you have problems doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind and leave you.”  
  
Ben swallowed. “People don’t typically like it when men can’t perform.”  
  
"I think for everyone who thinks that, there’s someone who doesn’t think that way. Like me.”  
  
Ben nodded, smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “Like you.”  
  
***  
  
There were different exercises that Ben’s sex therapist, Doctor Kalonia, recommended in order to help Ben adjust. Kegels (Ben thought he looked ridiculous doing them, but they would do). Working through the feelings that Snoke had left in his wake. Plenty more. And of course, Ben found that he could try other things too. Bringing Poe pleasure, for example. It was definitely worth it, he thought, just to hear Poe get rambly, praising Ben for just being so good to him. Poe really was the sweetest man, and how Ben had been so lucky to have him...well, he didn’t quite know.   
  
They started simple, really. Poe had said earlier that he wanted to try using his mouth; Ben was definitely on board with that. It had been a while and now, he thought, he was more than ready. He watched as Poe dropped to his knees, gave him a reassuring wink. And it took some telling Poe it was okay to touch him, and then use his mouth, and...God, he was starting to harden then, in Poe’s mouth. It was working. Ben made sure to murmur his share of praise, his reassurance that Poe really was doing well even as Poe pleasured him. And when Ben warned him that he might come, Poe drew off him.   
  
“It’s okay.” Poe’s pretty voice was a bit rough from the intrusion. “I can take it. Come inside me.”  
  
Ben nodded. He probably came too quickly, but, he supposed, he could work on that too.   
  
Poe wiped his lips, getting to his feet just to hug Ben. “You’re doing good,” he said. “So good.”  
  
Ben could believe, in Poe’s arms, that he was.


End file.
